Freddie's Ugly Twin
failed to get the respect he, bizarrely, thinks is his due, and has resigned from Pitchforkers'R'Us.
He is taking his leave with his usual stream of sexist, sexual, four-letter-word abuse - the typical Bret word vomit which makes Laffin look like Oscar Wilde.
He has also been making wild, ridiculous statements about how the Shadow Home Secretary was so impressed with him, some petition or other was just about to be presented to Parliament - but sadly, Tallulah is so distressed, he just cannot go through with it.
What a surprise; who would have seen that coming?
He has also pretended to be an Indian policeman; claimed he directly stood up to Gerry McCann; and personally got Clarence Mitchell sacked.
And are his fellow-pitchforkers grateful?
NO!!!!!!!!!!
Hence the VERY BIG TANTY
Of course, the only place Tallulah did any of these amazing things is in his own wormy head; there was no 'Indian policeman'; Gerry McCann wouldn't know him from Adam; and on being asked what he thought of Tallulah's supposedly getting him removed, Sauces say Clarrie replied, Who the Hell is David Bret? Is it that bloke from The Office? **
Tallulah was last spotted raving about Moles. Apparently, Carla Knight, Susan Hall, and Que Cherrett are all secretly members of Team McCann, and responsible for Tallulah's downfall.
No, I haven't heard of them either, but they seem awfully important to Tallulah.
We couldn't see Tallulah leave Haterworld without marking the occasion - I am sure this will suit him down to the ground!
** For the benefit of our overseas readers, here is David Brent throwing some wicked moves in The Office:
Oh Yes, He's The Great Pretender,
ReplyDeleteAdrift In A World Of His Own
His Need Is Such
He Pretends Too Much
He's A Liar And We All Can Tell
It's Time This Poor Fool
Was Locked Uptight In A Cell.
My God, he's such a whiner. Bret, no one invited you to the party, so best you leave with what little dignity you still have in tact.. Go hound some old celebrity, write another horrible book and leave this case to those that actually care about this missing child.
ReplyDeleteWill we ever hear from him again? Shame, really. He was a new experience for me, and that's saying something after four years of Bennett and The Pitchforkers.
ReplyDeleteBefore he goes, do you think he could be prevailed upon to tell us the secret of how to have sex with an omelette? So far, all my attempts have been a bit of a disaster, I mean, the mess for a start ....
ReplyDeleteThis must be a red letter day, one of the very few times antis and pros have seen eye to eye - that Tallulah is a pain in the proverbial and should be chucked out with the trash asap.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I do hate to see someone down on their luck, so I am offering him a job at 'TantiesRUs' - he'll get to wear a pink tutu, just a kind thought on my part.
In answer to Vengeance. I have been researching this. Much depends on whether you are male or female. This will influence how hard you cook it. Experiments have underlined the critical importance of allowing the omelette of ones affections to cool first. The only plus point is that it probably gave the triage nurse in casualty a good laugh.
ReplyDeleteOtherwise, do experiment with fillings, paying particular attention to the spicyness.
Hours of fun for the eggsperimentally inclined.