Not long ago, on a farcebook site not too far away, Queen Hoho of the Varnish surveyed her lackeys with satisfaction. All was well with the world.
Posts telling her how clever she was? - check.
Posts saying how horrid the parents of a missing child were? - check.
Posts praising a convicted criminal in another realm? - check.
Posts assuring the lackeys that tocks were ticking and tides were turning? - check. What could possibly go wrong?
Well, everything, actually. For Queen Hoho had sent a scurvy knave into exile for insulting her courtier Wallybaba, then foolishly allowed him back, despite her loyal subjects referring to the knave behind his back (or backs, as it turned out) as, That pervy old drunk.
For little did Queen Hoho know that not only was the old drunk a scurvy knave, he was that most feared of forum beasts - a multi-headed hydra! Doggy, dangly, dixie....its names were as legion as its breath was foul and foetid.
All the while, Zelda the witch, consort of the hydra, whispered poison in any ear that would let her.
Poor little Wallybaba knew the Queendom was in peril, but the Doggy-hydra turned its many heads on him, accusing him of being the legendary Lord Rodriquez, never seen by living man and only spoken of in whispers.
Without the protection of the loyal Wallybaba, Queen Hoho only had the Irish one to save her, so her cause was doomed. The many-headed Doggy-hydra reared up, spat fire and fury - and Queen Hoho of the Varnish and her loyal courtiers were gone.
The Doggy-hydra tried to tell the remaining lackeys that it had to destroy the Queendom to save it, while all but the feeble-minded and insane fled in horror from the smouldering, polluted ruins of the Queendom, lamenting as if Camelot itself had been destroyed!
And Zelda the Witch cackled with satisfaction as she surveyed the carnage.
Queen Hoho, Wallybaba and the Irish one fled into exile, gathering their surviving lackeys around them. There, they secretly plot revenge on the usurper, while feverishly but secretly checking the very blood groups of the lackeys' families to make sure there is no taint of Doggy-hydra remaining.
And the moral of this fable? If you give hydras the keys of your Queendom, don't be surprised if you find yourself on their menu.
