BENNETT CONFESSES - 'I TOOK ££££££££ FROM NEWS INTERNATIONAL'

There's really only one story in this part of the internet as the year closes - the sickening revelation by Bennett that he took thousands of pounds from News International, channeled through the Lubbock Trust, as payment for his efforts to destroy Michael Barrymore.

He's admitted to profiting by  some £10,000 from NI, so few would be surprised if the real total was considerably higher.

Now, that would be quite bad enough, but no-one has forgotten the vicious attacks he launched at Kate and Gerry McCann when Kate's book, 'Madeleine', was serialized by NI. When all the time, his bank balance had been swelled considerably by NI.

Funny how he forgot to tell his cult supporters about that hypocrisy, isn't it?

And no-one needs reminding of Bennett's ranting and raving about the Murdoch press over the years - when all the time he himself had eagerly taken their money, having given it a quick spin-cycle through the Lubbock Trust.

Funny how he forgot to tell his cult supporters about that hypocrisy, isn't it?

No wonder Terry Lubbock and Harry Cichy detest the very mention of his name!

All of this might have stayed in the shadows, if Bennett hadn't decided to show off, mouth off, and further libel Michael Barrymore, but he just couldn't resist a bit of character assassination. Which is why he now has a posse of very angry people on his tail, and is in even more trouble.

Because here's the thing; rumours are spreading that, in the course of his campaign against Michael Barrymore, Bennett was at his usual tricks, altering witness statements, and telling untruths. Hope he wasn't taking money from News International under false pretences - they might be a bit annoyed about that. Hope he wasn't telling the Lubbock family a pack of lies - they might be a bit annoyed about that.

He needn't bother trying to sweep any of this under the carpet, as he usually does. The whole truth about this, and other matters, IS going to come out in 2013.

As 2012 draws to a close, perhaps this is an ideal time for Bennett's brown-nosers to take a long, hard look at their hero, and see him as the rest of the world does?

CHUCKY READS PORNO BOOKS, YEAUCH

There's been an outbreak of vomiting in this part of the internet over the past few days.

No, not because of some virus, but because of the truly sickening discovery that disgrace to Australia Chucky not only reads dirty books.

She sells them on when she's finished with them.

Decent people pray she doesn't get her SIM dollies to act out her favorite 'scenes' from the pervy book.

No wonder the Koala looks scared.....

Sauces say e-Bay is issuing a health warning to anyone who's bought anything from Chucky, and is urging them to get professional healthcare advice, as there's no telling what she's been doing with her second-hand goods.

Sadly, it may take a miracle to save anyone who bought her used porn.

And what kind of freak sells children's books along with their used porn? Concerned readers hope that CEOPC are aware of her online activities.

FUN AND GAMES WITH THE BENNETT CULT

Alas, poor Bennett! Beset by legal troubles - and strangely unable to grasp that he has brought all of them on himself - he decided today was the day to launch an attack on one J. Blacksmith, due to said blogger's contempt for people who belong to a.....

sex and crime obsessed clique of self-righteous losers that thinks it’s acceptable to defame honourable men like McAlpine

Whoever could he mean? Surely not the hounders, with their fascination with other people's sex lives and soft furnishings?

But the cabaret wasn't over, oh dear me no, Gentle Readers. For the vast ego that is Bennett failed to grasp that this wasn't actually a genuine comment- 

I used to like what you wrote once but now it's clear that you don't really care for Madeleine and you don't fight for Tony Bennett, the only man BRAVE enough to take on the forces of the Establishment. Shame on you. Justice for Maddie, Norbury.

Modest as ever, Bennett replied to the Norbury One:

P.S. 'Justice for Maddie, Norbury', many thanks for your comments, but Goncalo Amaral is the brave one, he lost his job, and his family life suffered, and he has been mercilessly smeared and pursued - T.B.

You really couldn't make it up.....

As the finishing touch to this exercise in self-destruction, a disillusioned member announced that they had had enough of Bennett and his nonsense.

                     CLICK FOR FULL SIZE

Naturally, that was hastily removed, but not before awestruck onlookers had nabbed screengrabs, guessing correctly that the Free Speachers wouldn't permit such public treason to stand.

If he's like this when he gets bad news - according to rumours from  Sauces - what on earth is he going to be like when he's in the High Court Dock? Can our ribs withstand such hilarity?

THE MCCANN-HOUNDERS DON'T WANT YOU TO READ THIS POST BY STEPHEN BIRCH

Who could forget the raptures with which Stephen Birch was welcomed on the site Bennett isn't admin of? They thrilled to those special reports in the Portuguese tabloids, convinced themselves that that tide was finally going to turn for them.

They couldn't get enough of his tall tales of his adventures with his lawnmower.

Gentle Readers will recall how they hung on his every word, begging for more. Dissenting Hounders were banned for not believing him. Others were blocked from posting if they didn't toe the Party Line.

Until last night. When Birch posted this:

CLICK TO READ

For some reason, the news that their beloved Saint Goncalol is a drunken wreck was almost  instantly censored. And the very idea that he had been planting evidence! Unthinkable!

It was censored in minutes, removed as if it had never been. Not quickly enough, however.

Which is why bewildered Hounders had to go elsewhere to read the truth about what their Forum Posterboy had said.

Could they also be trying to hide the truth about how much trouble Bennett is in? Surely not - but it isn't a very good omen, is it?

DODGY DOC ALERT UPDATE - REES THINKS HE'S A GAY PORN STAR

Readers are warned to be on the lookout for this individual. He pretends to be a doctor and enjoys making obscene remarks when doing so. His real name is 'Paul Rees' and should be regarded as dangerous. He hangs around with Spudgun 'snap your neck' Hardy. The exact nature of their relationship is not known, though their shared fondness for 'body art' has given rise to much speculation.

When Rees is not wearing dead animals on his head, he occupies a squalid basement, in which he invents obscenities and entertains delusions of adequacy:

Gentle Readers are warned NOT to approach this man; the police are well aware of his activities, so let them deal with him.

If he should be sighted wearing a coat over his head, instead of a dead animal, it means the press have run him to ground and he will shortly be starring in the ever-popular 'SICKO TROLL' section of the Sun.

Be careful out there!

----------------------------

Update - we understand that the person wearing the dead animal is not, in fact, Rees the Troll, but an esteemed transgender porn actor who goes by the name of 'Buck Angel':

This blog apologises to Mr Angel for any offence caused to him by mistaking him for the grubby, ugly  little deviant who spews obscenities daily on #mccann.

CHUCKY THE NASTY LITTLE LIAR

A Mexican Wave of  fake 'outrage' swept the hate sites yesterday, over an expired holiday voucher on which someone had put Madeleine McCann's image.


Oh, the screeches and howls! Oh, the fresh insults hurled at the McCanns! No prizes for guessing who the leader of the lynch mob was.... 

People tried to track down who started the 'outrage', who saw this obscure ad first. Guess what, Gentle Readers? It appears to have been Chucky herself.

Oh, what a surprise!

Here she is, lying to the rest of MM:

Here she is, posting the link herself some time earlier on Twitter:

CLICK TO ENLARGE


She hates Madeleine McCann so much, she is capable of anything, really. She's too thick to have hacked the site herself  but no doubt one of her nasty little friends gave her her instructions to spread the 'outrage'.


Some of us think that is really, really sick and that is our opinion.

CHUCKY THE UGLY AUSSIE ATTACKS MADELEINE MCCANN AGAIN

Yes, Gentle Readers, Australia's Shameful Secret has been occupying herself making nasty remarks about the appearance of a missing child - Madeleine McCann, the little girl she pretends to 'care' so much about.


it looks like her tounge is sticking out 


Chucky declared as she drooled on her ifork. She then decided that Madeleine was bound to be 'damaged' as she was born by IVF.


Other members begged her to stop talking about Madeleine like this, but got told:


we are discussing what we think and some of us think the photo is unusal that is our opinion


So, if anyone wants to discuss what we think of Chucky's appearance in photos, feel free. After all, it's obvious she is even more ugly inside than she is outside.


Some of us think that is unusual and that is our opinion.

LAFFINARSE HITS THE HEADLINES

Yes, Gentle Readers, the Scunny Terrorist has been run to earth in his squalid lair, by the good people at the Star.

They caught him outside, polluting the air.

Now the whole of Britain knows to look out for the creature that wanted to firebomb the McCanns' home.

SCOTLAND YARD - HELP US FIND MADELEINE MCCANN

RICARDO PAIVA EARNS HIS NICKNAME

The f*cking t*sser

Q: What could possibly be stupider than making romantic overtures on FB to an 'American model'?

A: Making romantic overtures on FB to an 'American model' who is actually one D. Bret.

And then having to confess to your superiors just what you have done, and then getting yourself in the Portuguese press:

Rumours are flying that a UK tabloid is going to do some kind of expose; updates will follow.....

BROWN INSULTS PORTUGAL, SAYS PDL LOCALS SELL THEIR CHILDREN FOR SEX

Yes, Gentle Readers, right on the eve of her departure for Portugal, 'Awesome' Brown has taken it upon herself to say just about the worst thing possible about the people of Portugal in general, and the residents of PDL in particular.

She made this shameful comment on her blog, when explaining why Madeleine McCann could not possibly have been abducted.

Why would anyone bother, reasoned the awesome superstar of blogradio?

There it is, in all its horror.

A paedophile ring in PDL wouldn't have bothered abducting a 'foreign child', because the locals sell their children for sex, and sometimes just loan them out.

Could someone let immigration at Lisbon Airport know what is heading in their direction, please?

Oh, and it might be a good idea if the police presence in PDL was stepped up, as 'Awesome' is liable to get a rather hostile reception from the locals she has declared routinely sell their children for sex.

CAST OF GHOUL TOUR #2 ANNOUNCED

Forkertainment Tonite! is delighted to bring Gentle Readers this exciting hateworld news, straight from the dank, maniac-haunted hills of Horridwood.

There's been a lot of buzz about this project; we've had to wait four years for the follow-up to the original blockbuster, but at last, it's been green-lighted and the major players revealed.

Playing the female lead of FoxyBlondie is none other than Bushmeat Brown herself:

Bushmeat hopes this will be her breakout role from the backwaters of blogradio.

Male lead of LaffinThug? Why, who else could it be but 'Big Rock' Gonc?

Big Rock hopes this will advance his career, as he is fed up of playing the dead South American guy in CSI Miami.

Sophia de Lansaret plays Astro,  their reluctant hostess, terrified that there will be a repeat of the unruly behaviour we all enjoyed watching in the original.

Joana Morais and Ricardo Paiva both play lesser roles as themselves. They are secretly appalled by the crass behaviour of Bushmeat, especially after she has been at the vintage port, but are too scared to speak out and condemn the interloper.

The horror is provided by Freddie Kruger, played by David Brat.

Lucky old Brat - he doesn't need make-up to play the role!

Tiny Bonnett is a newcomer to the big screen, but he makes the most of his role as the demented stalker who hides in people's gardens.

Tango and Chucky will make brief cameo appearances, playing themselves as the Village Madwoman and the Village Idiot respectively.

Robert Murat will NOT be making an appearance in this sequel; we are reliably informed that he has never been the same after the first production, and indeed has hired armed guards and installed electric fences to keep Bushmeat at bay.

There is no script; as with the first production, the cast are going to make it up as they go along, as they stumble from one castatrophe to another, to the amusement of viewers. Any resemblance to the Blair Witch Project is purely co-incidental, we are assured.

Ghoul Tour #2 is to be filmed in ForkerVision by HideHo and her team; special HateGoggles will be handed out to viewers in the hope they understand what the cast are doing and saying.

Souvenir frames from Ghoul Tour 2# will be on sale in the foyer in special, sealed, boxed sets. Duarte Levy is the man in charge of them, so as usual, they will be in sets of 24. When the customer pays £10,000 for them and tries to view them at home, all they will see is the Man Mountain giving them the finger, with the caption, There's One Born Every Minute.


Sounds like they've thought of everything!

NOT © Forkertainment Tonite!

SPUDGUN HARDY SPOUTS DEATH THREATS, OBSCENITY AND SODOMY

WARNING - THE LANGUAGE USED BY SPUDGUN HARDY TO ISSUE THESE THREATS  IS DISGUSTING; ANY DECENT, NORMAL PERSON WILL BE SHOCKED BY THIS DEPRAVITY


The McCann-haters favorite video maker thought there was nothing at all wrong with posting this disgusting, obscene threat of deviant sexual  violence to another twitter user on FB:

Naturally, the other haters tried to laugh it off as 'only messing'; Spudders didn't see anything wrong with it, and carried on with his obscene attack.

And this is the creature the forkers, haters and ghouls all think is a genius? Must have pretty low standards..

Not content with that, the depraved creature is now publically issuing death threats:

No wonder it and its vile chums took such pleasure in harrassing and abusing a woman who dared to disagree with them.

I suppose all his fans do know they tried to get the woman sacked? Their conduct was so sadistic and vicious, Ricardo Paiva of the PJ stepped in and told them to stop it; rumor has it that all ties with the haters and forkers has now been broken because of these cyber-Nazi thugs.

Never mind, if Spudgun Hardy keeps up the threats of sexual violence, and neck-breaking,  he will be going somewhere his stunning good looks will be appreciated.

Jes' call me Bubba, y'all

________________________________________________________________________

NOT ©; please feel free to spread Spudgun Hardy's Spoutings far and wide.

LA TRIBU DES GROTESQUES/ The Grotesque Tribe

The French literary world is acclaiming a new masterpiece this weekend - La Tribu Des Grotesques, a social satire which goes where Lord of the Flies feared to tread.


Set on an imaginary island , Pitchforkeius,  where the criminally insane are kept away from the rest of society, the book tells of the internecine fighting and bloodshed as the wretches fight to be acclaimed  Lord of Pitchforkeius.


We meet such characters as Tiny Bonnett, described as resembling a tall, balding tramp, and his sometime consort, the cackling Petal Black, who daily whip their adherents into fresh bouts of cannibalistic violence against 'Unbelievers'.


Bonnett and Black hold a dark secret - the earlier fruit of their liason, a malformed, demonic offspring they refer to as The Brat, and try to keep confined in a dank cave. Whenever The Brat escapes, he attacks BonnettBelievers and Unbelievers alike in his thirst for vengeance.


All the inhabitants of Pitchforkeius worship and fear an entity they call 'PJ AMORAL', or Big Rock. PJ Amoral has never set foot on Pitchforkeius, but his thoughts are passed to his worshippers by an Oracle known as Joanie Moreass.


Being lunatics, the Pitchforkeians are all in thrall to the Full Moon, when their worst excesses are committed. At Full Moon, the book warns,  they try to lure passing seafarers onto their island colony, to abuse and insult, before devouring the Outsiders.


Petal Black is described in the novel as being especially dangerous at Full Moon, as this is when she consumes the brew she has made from fermented mandrake roots, lizards' tongues, and rat entrails.


Little do the Tribe know, they can never leave the Island; they have been deemed too incurably dangerous to the rest of society to ever be permitted to re-enter the world of the sane.


They are doomed to spend their days chanting wierd cries, such as les chiens ne mentent pas and telling each other myths about Aces.


La Tribu Des Grotesques ends with a final outbreak of savagery, with every faction turning on every other faction, till only one of them is left standing to finally claim the title, Lord of Pitchforkeius.


Alas, the book does not tell us who the victorious wretch is; possibly because the author has ceased to care what the lunatics do or who they do it to, as long as it doesn't involve normal human beings.