GHOUL OF THE YEAR - 2011 FORKER AWARDS

It's been a vintage year for hate-spewers everywhere, hasn't it, Gentle Readers? Kate McCann's book 'Madeleine' drove the forkers to new heights of abuse, and hilarious predictions that 'no-one' would buy it, because 'no-one' believed the McCanns.

Naturally, it was a runaway success, with extracts read by millions in the Sun, and book sales worth over £2,500,000 in the UK alone. And that is just the hardback - the forkers demonstrating yet again that they are incapable of ever getting anything right.

Picking  the Leading Ghoul of 2011 hasn't been easy, with so many contenders, but Gentle Readers will be relieved to know it has been narrowed down to the final four - the Hindley Fan took an early lead with remarks like this:

but fell behind after her fellow ghouls told her to STFU as she was getting them a bad name.

So, the final four, in reverse order.

4. The not-very-famous gossip, David Bret, who took time off from playing Freddie Kruger's Evil Twin to make obscene 'jokes' about Kate McCann, and other women he was jealous of. Made a strong start, but fell behind when he started expressing a desire for the McCanns, Sun reporters and others, to die horribly.

He ended the year as a laughing stock when the Sun failed to apologise to him; rumor has it that the Sun is saving all his posts about Sun reporters dying in car crashes for a special edition.

3. Anthony Bennett, the Harlow Hounder. He seemed in a strong position at the start of the year, but then failed to stand up to Carter Ruck as he had promised.

He has had to make involuntary donations to the Find Madeleine Fund already, and is facing contempt of court charges in the New Year.

There is a chance he could go to jail for contempt; sources say he would in fact be happy to occupy a cell for a while, because at least he would be out of reach of his former ally LaffinThug, who wants his £400+ back from Bennett.

2. The wellspring of all the ghoulery, the creator of the Fridge Theory in person - Gonc Amaral, the disgraced PJ bungler with the criminal conviction for lying.

Normally, he would have won, but being kicked out by his  wife, his landlord, and the PJ Old Boys' Association makes him, well, a loser.

Despite wearing hats while being strikingly tall and intellectual.

There can only be one winner, so step forward....

BUSHMEAT BROWN, THE QUEEN OF THE GHOULS

It has to be Brown  - only a truly sick forker could dream up a scenario involving Gerry McCann mummifying his eldest daughter in the hot, dry sands of a beach on the Atlantic, then smuggling her back to the UK on Easyjet in his hand luggage.

She further earned her crown by deciding it was OK for her to say things like that about the McCanns, but no-one is allowed to criticise her, and is now pretending she is going to sue the McCanns because she failed to make mega-bucks from her grubby, error-strewn leaflet.

Brown also exploited the  stupid, nasty, ignorant forkers for a few $$$ and to get her vast ego stroked.  She then dropped them like hot potatoes when they got too embarrassing, so now her erstwhile allies are out for her blood.

Let's hear it for Pat Brown, Ghoul of the Year!